Letting go & accepting “what is”, UNDER PRESSURE!
Loved your most recent podcast “Under Pressure”. I like the variety of pressures you discussed specifically for women! I can relate on both a small scale & a large scale to some of the pressures you shared. On a smaller scale- one example for me...Sundays- “keeping the Sabbath day holy”. As a mom & former faithful LDS woman, for many years I felt the pressure to keep this day “sacred”. But my version of “sacred” has changed. I once limited our activities on Sundays to strictly church/family stuff and when I look back, most our family drama was on Sundays. Ironic! Now we have an extra day in our week to choose more intentionally how we spend our time. I love that we can participate in sports, hikes, school projects, brunch/dinners together, or simply doing nothing etc without the attached guilt I once associated that with. It’s always bonding time as we find ways to connect with each other and with random people we meet while we are out and about. This is how I now define “sacred”- moments of connection which can happen anywhere, not limited to a church bldg or church activities. I’ve had some of my most “spiritual” experiences on Sundays outside of church since I shifted my perspective. This was one of the many unnecessary limitations and pressures I put upon myself & my family for a long time. On a larger scale, I felt such pressure both from the church & from society to stay in a marriage where I was not thriving. Accepting that my husband and I have grown apart has been painful. Accepting that it is “ok” to choose to separate has given me peace as I felt guilt for so long surrounding that choice. I worried I’d upset people, I worried I’d hurt my children, I worried about being alone. I was pained with the ongoing torture of saying to myself “what will they think if we separate and get divorced?” I worried they would blame my choice to leave the church as to why our marriage ‘failed” (in their eyes) when they had no idea the realties I was facing. The pressure I felt to stay in a marriage, in which I was shelving a lot was so heavy on me, and that pressure I created was felt by the ones I love who ultimately just wanted to see me happy. Releasing that pressure & accepting that our marriage has not failed but rather has “died” has been healing for me. Once I allowed myself to let go of the pressure and accept “what is”, my relationship with my ex has improved. We communicate better, we’ve learned to forgive, & we are better friends now than we’ve been in 20+ yrs. We love each other and always will. We are doing our best to coparent & figure things out one day at a time together. We simply aren’t compatible, we are better apart (at least for now). The reality is that we have grown apart both emotionally & spiritually. And that’s ok. Its been full of grief. But it’s OK. It doesn’t mean we failed. And if we have failed, we have grown from it. Despite the ups and downs, we built a beautiful self-made life together and created 3 wonderful daughters together. And they will learn from our mistakes and from how we are choosing to go forward. I am grateful that we got to spend the first half of our lives together. I learned a lot. There just isn’t one right way. I have recently allowed myself to let go of the unnecessary pressure I felt from society, family, friends, and from myself. Not having that pressure to conform to what society and religion says is “right and wrong” is liberating. One thing I’ve learned is that no matter what system(s) we are a part of (society, religion, family, etc)- we sure put a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves & thus on each other. Learning to let go, sail in my own direction, follow my own heart, trust my own gut, is so freeing. Letting go of unnecessary pressure...one day at a time. 🦅🛳
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