In this episode of Deep Listening we go through the forests of Idaho and the borderland between Canada and the United States as we speak to world class mediator Ken Cloke. He mediates across multiple domains from families, to schools, to corporations. Ken has been a mediator for 37 years, and he is a prolific author with 20 published books.
Ken takes us on a journey that describes the power and the transformational impact of listening for meaning. He finds a way to listen to himself first before listening to the meaning of the conflict. Ken shares how he meditates to prepare for conflict resolution, and how he is present for the meeting. He also shares how to avoid destructive circles and conflict resolution techniques as they apply to the five levels of listening.
- Listening inside yourself to understand the meaning of the conflict.
- The two levels of mediation the issues and the relationships.
- Approaching a conflict with the right attitude. Meditation is a great way to prepare.
- Fully showing up with the realization that the conversation is important.
- Diverting negativity from overwhelming the ego and changing statements to requests.
- Ken shares an example of a couple’s experience and how he goes inside himself to find questions to get to answers.
- How if there is not an equals sign between the heat of the argument and the topic of the argument there is an underlying meaning.
- A touching story of how Ken discovered the root cause of an issue with a teacher conflict and found a way for the teacher to feel appreciated and keep her job.
- Group communication and bringing the human dimension into the conversation and having a transformational impact.
Links and Resources:
“To discover what the conflict means I have to find it inside myself and listen correctly.” Ken Cloke
“The mediation becomes the relationship on a deeper level.” Ken Cloke
“Talking about what things mean to you can have a deeply transformational impact.” Ken Cloke
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